The Waiting Time Read online

  ‘lt would be nice, wouldn’t it, but what would I do with Helen during the day? Have you thought of that?’

  He smiled, seeing her half persuaded.

  ‘It’s an infant school. She can sit in with you.’

  Jenny laughed.

  ‘You have it all worked out, don’t you?’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘I’ll think about it.’

  ‘Great, but don’t take too long. I have to let them know.’

  Jenny mentioned it to Helen that evening and was horrified when her daughter’s eyes filled with tears.

  ‘Is my daddy coming?’

  ‘No. I’ve told you, we’ll be with Uncle Tim.’

  ‘I won’t leave my daddy. Please, don’t make me leave my daddy.’

  Her voice was rising as she sobbed. Jenny had never seen her like this before.

  ‘But, Helen, you love Uncle Tim. You know you do and Daddy has to go back to America some day.’

  Helen was nodding her head and said on a hiccup, ‘Take us with him.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Daddy said we can go with him to America.’

  I don’t believe this, Jenny thought. How could he be so stupid as to make her a promise like that?

  Jenny was so worried about Ryder’s promise to Helen that she couldn’t concentrate on the last exam of the finals and convinced herself that she had failed it.

  Eight weeks of summer stretched ahead of her like a threat. She’d had no answer from the job applications she’d put out. The interview for the position she would really like was dependent on her results, so she wouldn’t know about that until August.

  Tim had been disappointed that she wouldn’t be accompanying him to Spain. He’d suggested that perhaps Ryder was encouraging Helen’s dependency on him as a way of getting back at Jenny for putting him in the rôle of father.

  Jenny shook off this accusation as resentment on Tim’s part and it wasn’t until he’d been gone a week, and her expected time with her daughter failed to materialise, that Tim’s suggestion returned to niggle at her.

  Was it possible, she wondered, but look how angry he had been when faced with Helen’s clinging behaviour before the accident. Had he become genuinely attached to her during the past few weeks. It wouldn’t be surprising. She could be a little charmer when she wanted.

  Have I made a mistake, Jenny wondered, allowing Ryder so much freedom with Helen.

  * * *

  She kept a close eye on them over the following days, accepting Ryder’s invitation to join them on their trips to parks, museums and the zoo. This afternoon they were going swimming at the coast.

  ‘There’s waves and slides and a deep part that I’m not allowed to go in because Daddy says big people dive there and I might get hurt. I can dive, too, now, you know. Daddy showed me how. We didn’t know it was there, did we, Mummy? We only went to the town baths and I was frightened of the noise, wasn’t I?’

  There hadn’t been the money for trips to the coast, Jenny felt like justifying herself, as she bit her tongue. Ryder was, knowingly or unknowingly, undermining her relationship with her daughter. She would have to have it out with him next time they were alone.

  The opportunity came sooner than she expected. They came home later than normal after eating out. Helen had fallen asleep in the car and Jenny was putting her straight into bed. Ryder was still sitting in the living-room watching the news on their small TV. As she came in he rose to his feet preparing to leave.

  ‘Can you spare me a few minutes? There’s something I want to say,’ Jenny said.

  ‘I have an important appointment at eight, but fire away. My career already hangs by a thread joining two continents.’

  ‘Which is what I want to talk about.’

  His eyebrows rose questioningly as he sat himself back down in the seat.

  ‘I believe you’ve told Helen that you’ll be taking her to America with you. Do you mind explaining to me why you made such a rash, impractical promise?’

  ‘It was rather rash, I agree, but neither impractical nor impossible. Depends how we look at it.’

  Jenny jumped up from her chair.

  ‘What on earth are you talking about? We don’t look at anything. I decide Helen’s future. I’m her mother.’

  ‘Calm down and sit down,’ he snapped. ‘What do you think I’m talking about here? Kidnapping? I was going to suggest that you both come back with me to America. You could get a good job out there and the kindergarten care is first class. I could continue to see Helen and in time she will stop being so possessive.’

  Jenny sat back down with a thump.

  ‘You have it all worked out, don’t you? But you have overlooked one tiny thing, Ryder. I don’t want to go to America. I love my daughter very much but I will not allow her to dictate my future.’

  ‘You don’t mind denying her her rights though, do you?’

  His voice was cold with anger.

  ‘How dare you!’

  ‘I say it because she is just a baby with no-one to put her side of the argument against a mother who couldn’t be bothered to inform her real father of her existence. I have work mounting up for my attention in America while I sit here baby-sitting someone else’s child. You have nothing to hold you here and this,’ he said casting a scathing glance around the room, ‘is hardly the right environment in which to bring up a child.’

  Jenny was so hurt and angry she dare not open her mouth. After a long, uncomfortable silence she rose once more to her feet indicating that she wanted him to leave.

  He heaved himself out of his chair with an impatient sigh and gave her a long, hard stare before turning for the door.

  ‘Please don’t say anything more to Helen about America because I already have other plans for our future. Good-night.’

  Her anger stayed with her while she did a quick tidy around. It was only nine o’clock and she couldn’t settle to the television. There were plenty of other jobs she could be doing but the angry energy had gone leaving an empty sadness.

  What would he do, she wondered, if he knew he was Helen’s real father. He would be furious, but what would he actually do? What could he do? Would he apply for parental rights, have her branded as a bad mother? Her heart ran cold with the thought.

  What were her rights? Could she stop him from taking Helen to America? Should she stop him when Helen was so attached to him? Would he have stayed with her if he’d known before he went to America? She didn’t believe that was so.

  She felt so afraid and alone standing before the window and staring out on to the empty street. For the last few years there had always been Patty or Tim to turn to when things were troubling her. Now she was on her own. She had turned down Tim’s offer to go to Spain and Patty had withdrawn more and more since Ryder’s arrival.

  She stirred herself, feeling the chill seeping through her bones. He’s right, she thought, gazing around her at the chipped furniture that no amount of polishing could hide. It was shabby.

  You have two choices, she told herself in a firm voice as she went to make more tea. You can remain silent and go to America or you can tell him the truth and take the consequences.

  On her way out of the kitchen she stopped by Helen’s door. It was open a crack as it always was while she slept and Jenny opened it farther to creep across to the bedside and stand looking down at her daughter.

  How could he not know, she marvelled for the countless time. In the early days she had searched avidly for some sign of herself in the tiny baby, catching only glimpses from time to time. Later, as Helen grew and became more like her father, Jenny had accepted her as Ryder’s substitute and given her all the love and attention she might otherwise have shared with him.

  She let go the heavy sigh from her chest and moved back into the living-room. The warm cup she cradled between her hands was placed down on the small table by the settee as she switched on the television and waited for the news. Suddenly he was there, filling the screen with a still photo
graph while the newscaster talked over it.

  It took a while for Jenny’s concentration to focus in on what the man was saying, something about a trip to the Amazon in the autumn. The picture changed to one of Ryder standing in front of a corrugated iron dwelling with two natives, one on either side of him. He was laughing at something the one on the left of him had said.

  In seconds it was over and the newscaster moved on to other topics. But that stern face broken with laughter stayed with her, taking her back to days when they had both laughed at so many things and she had believed it would last for ever.

  Reality was quite different though and now she must pay again for that dream.

  * * *

  ‘We’re going to America,’ Helen sang as she danced around the kitchen table and through into the living-room.

  Jenny tipped the uneaten toast into the bin and washed up the used cups and plates. Her decision had been made some time between dawn and Helen’s arrival in her bedroom complaining of a sore tummy.

  The sore tummy had miraculously disappeared and Jenny took her off to nursery after promising she could tell her friends that they were going to America. She did some shopping on the way home then called in to see Patty and warn her that they would be leaving and she would let her have the date when she knew it.

  ‘I know you’ll have to let the flat go but I hope you’ll find a corner for us somewhere should things go wrong and we need it.’

  She gave Patty a tremulous smile.

  ‘Come on kind of sudden this, hasn’t it?’ Patty said.

  Jenny nodded.

  ‘He suggested it to Helen on a spur of the moment, not expecting that she would jump on it as gospel. We had an awful disagreement about it and I know I have always said that Helen would never be allowed to rule my life, but, well, we’ve drifted so far apart since Ryder arrived I’m afraid of losing her love.’

  ‘Where did Helen get his picture in the first place? Was he an old boyfriend?’

  Patty had never asked questions before and this one caught Jenny unawares.

  ‘A long time ago, yes.’

  ‘No chance I suppose that he could be the one—the father, I mean?’

  Jenny was decidedly uncomfortable as she said, ‘No, no chance at all.’

  ‘Umm,’ Patty said, ‘just wondered. It would explain a lot.’

  ‘Explain what?’

  ‘Well, you must admit there is a rather startling resemblance.’

  ‘There are hundreds of men who look like Ryder.’

  ‘It’s not just his looks. Helen has similar mannerisms as well. Haven’t you noticed the way she has of looking at you when she’s cross? He looked at me exactly the same way the other night.’

  ‘That’s ridiculous! You’re imagining things.’

  ‘It’s none of my business,’ Patty said, ‘but if there’s the slightest chance that it’s true then tell him because it’s the only way you’re going to get any peace of mind.’

  Jenny sank into the nearest chair.

  ‘If it’s that obvious why hasn’t he seen it?’

  ‘We never see what’s under our noses, love. People travel hundreds of miles for holidays they could have on their own doorstep if they stopped to look. Tell him, Jen. You might be surprised at his reaction.’

  She left Patty’s flat and made her way upstairs. By the time she had made herself some lunch and mulled over what Patty had said it was time to go and collect Helen. There was a children’s event on at the Discovery Museum and Jenny had decided to take her there straight from nursery.

  Margaret Mitchell was sitting in a blue saloon car at the nursery gates. She swung her legs from the expensive car and walked towards the nursery entrance alongside Jenny. Jenny continued to walk and spoke without looking at the other woman.

  ‘I believe you might have a photograph belonging to me,’ she said decisively.

  ‘That’s quite right. I was curious as to why your little girl might claim a friend of ours as her father. She referred several times to this photograph so I visited your apartment one day to ask to see it but you weren’t in so the lady baby-sitting Helen asked me in. Helen gave me the photograph after I enquired about it. I meant to return it before I went to London, but you know how things are. I’ve actually brought it with me today.’

  She handed it over wrapped in brown paper as they were filing into the large reception area of the nursery, where mothers, nannies and the odd father were claiming their children.

  Jenny studied the tall, slim woman next to her and thought how skinny she was. The yellow heavy silk suit didn’t go with her sallow complexion and a child had never been born with hair that tint of chestnut. The heavy gold and emerald jewellery was too much in Jenny’s opinion for day-time wear. She was smiling at Jenny now as they moved forward to collect the girls.

  ‘Daniel tells me it’s all been terribly embarrassing for poor Ryder. They’ve been friends for years, you know, always confide in each other. I suppose you sent to the newspaper for his photograph and never expected to see him in the flesh. It must have been a dreadful shock for you when he turned up out of the blue like that. Of course, it’s the kind of thing people like Ryder and Daniel have to cope with all the time.’

  Horrified at the woman’s suggestiveness Jenny pushed ahead and, taking Helen by the hand, hurried her from the hall as Margaret’s voice called, ‘Can I give you a lift?’

  CHAPTER FIVE

  They flew from Newcastle to New York, and Jenny was feeling very proud of Helen’s good behaviour during the long seven hours. She glanced across her daughter’s sleeping form as Ryder returned to his seat by the aisle.

  ‘We’ll be landing shortly if you want to wake her and freshen up,’ he said.

  She woke the little girl with a gentle shake and after a minute or two they passed Ryder and made their way to the queue for the toilets. When they returned Helen was bouncing with energy once more.

  ‘Isn’t it exciting, Mummy? Soon we’ll be seeing where Daddy lives.’

  ‘Yes, dear.’

  Jenny was shaking with nerves. Would they be met? How would they be travelling to Ridgefield? Would he dump them at this place he’d found for them without telling her how to go on? She couldn’t even remember how many dollars there were to the pound. How was she to get around? Was there a good public transport system? All these questions were going around in her head when there was a thump and a screech as the undercarriage went down and the brakes were applied. They were on the ground shortly after.

  Soon they had cleared Customs and were met at the entrance of the terminal building by a large bear of a man with a pleasant, open face and wide smile. He clapped Ryder on the back.

  ‘Thanks for coming to meet us, Dan,’ Ryder said.

  ‘No problem.’

  Together they loaded the baggage into the back of an estate car. Jenny who had been giving all her attention to Helen lost her concentration when she heard Ryder call the man Dan.

  ‘Jennifer,’ Ryder said, turning round to draw her forward, ‘I don’t think you’ve met Daniel Mitchell yet, Margaret’s husband.’

  ‘Hello. I thought you were still in England with your family,’ Jenny said.

  ‘Heck no, we all came over here last week. Didn’t Margaret tell you? Why she’s been so busy setting your apartment to rights she’s had no time for anything else. I’ve been ordered to get you straight back so that you can rest up before meeting the others tonight.’

  ‘The others?’ Jenny frowned, not understanding, ‘But I . . . ’

  The rest of her shocked enquiry was muffled as Ryder thrust her and Helen into the back seat and slammed the door. He climbed into the front passenger seat as Daniel started the engine and drove out and on to a wide highway. Their first impression of New York was depressing. Cracked concrete stuffed with weeds and graffiti everywhere. But after a while things improved. Jenny noticed detached houses with lots of green and many trees. Then as they travelled north there were miles of forest and groups
of pretty, wooden houses. Large stores would suddenly appear out of nowhere set back from the road.

  Helen was wide awake and exclaiming at everything, while Jenny stewed at the thought of Margaret Mitchell organising this get-together of strangers without as much as a by-your-leave. The dreadful woman must have packed up and left England only days after returning Ryder’s photograph.

  They had left home at six-forty-five that morning yet several hours later it was still midday in America. Ryder stopped answering Helen’s interminable questions as Daniel boomed, ‘Here we are, home, sweet home.’

  He turned off the highway and up a narrow road that led into the forest. Through the trees Jenny could see the tops of dark yellow houses with balconies at various levels. Now long drives were leading off a wide sweep of roadway that encircled a large green with two beautiful wide spreading trees. The squeals from Helen were a joy to hear but Jenny’s eyes had fastened on the white convertible and the tall, red-haired woman standing next to it waving excitedly.

  The accommodation was the same two-bedroom, one public-room with bathroom and kitchen that she and Helen had shared in England but the generous size of the rooms and added extension of a balcony wide enough to eat on turned it into untold luxury. It was very hot outside and when Helen saw some other children gathered around what Ryder informed them was a communal swimming pool nothing would do but that she join them.

  The Mitchells had gone, leaving the apartment full of flowers and groceries and promises from Ryder to bring Helen and herself over to their place that evening.

  ‘Where is their place?’ she asked Ryder as Helen disappeared into the bedroom.

  ‘About twenty minutes’ drive the other side of town.’

  ‘I didn’t see any town. Is it nearby?’

  ‘About ten minutes by car.’

  ‘But I don’t have a car. What about this school? Is that in the town?’

  All her fears were being realised then Helen cried from the doorway, ‘Mummy, I can’t get the case open. The one with my things are in.’

  ‘Is there any public transport?’ she asked quite desperate now as she ignored her daughter.

  Ryder was scowling at her, Jenny realised. He seemed to do little else these days. She was thoroughly sick of his constant disapproval. Who on earth did he think he was to uproot them like this then dump them and expect them to cope on their own? Feeling edgy and irritable she put it all down to the long journey and tried hard not to snap at him when he answered her.